Guilt
by Storybookgirl08
Summary: Set after 10.2 What happened to the others when Calum breaks the news? Set in cannon with the series not with my other stories. Will the fallout destroy the team or make them stronger?


Disclaimer I do not own Spooks

More Grenade soon but this is just something I couldn't get out of my head after watching 10.2 so spoilers for that. Also the events of 10.2 wont affect my story. I just love writing him so I'm not writing him out.

Blame.

Dimitri glares at the empty desk as Calum repeats his story. It's the second death he has had to face since he arrived in Section D and it makes him feel sick. It's different this time. Tariq was a mate, one of the good guys. One of the good guys and someone killed him. Ripped him from a world that should have held on to him for years to come. It's not like Bateman. He still can't bring himself to think of the former Section Chief as Lucas North. He was the traitor, the one that would have killed Ruth to destroy Harry. But Tariq? He hadn't hurt anyone. He was the baby of the team. Another innocent that died trying to do the right thing. He continues to stare at the desk, Tariq's computer still waiting for it's operator. He shakes his head, the whole thing is wrong and he can't help the pit of anger that burns in his stomach as he avoids looking at Ruth and Erin, he knows they both blame themselves.

"Are you alright?" Erin asks Calum as the cocky blonde shrugs. Harry sighs but it doesn't register with Dimitri.

"I dunno." Calum shrugs as he looks up at the Section Chief.

"I'm sorry." Ruth mutters before heading for the Pods. It is only when he hears the Pods whoosh open that he realises she has left the room with Harry just behind her. He knows Ruth has lived through this before, he's heard about Jo, Colin, Fiona,Ros, Zaf and Adam. He just never thought Tariq's name would be added to the list of dead spies. He thought his name would be added to the sad list of people from Section D ripped from the world before their time before the quiet tech.

##############

"Oh God." Ruth sighs as she leans over the sink in the Ladies' Toilets.

"Ruth."

"Harry, please leave me alone." She tries to hide the tears in her voice. She loved Tariq as much as the others and it broke her heart to think her young friend wouldn't be there to tease her anymore.

"I spoke to his father." Harry sighs.

"I know."

"The funeral is tomorrow. Traditional Muslim service."

"It's my fault." Harry steps towards her as she closes her eyes.

"No." Harry knew he was sharper than he intended to be. The sink is still holding her undivided attention.

"I told him to go home. I told him."

"It was late." Harry tries to reason with her but Ruth shakes her head.

"I killed him." He stares at her as her self loathing and guilt in her voice rips his heart open. He can't bare to see her hating herself over something that isn't her fault. He knows Ruth and he knows there was no way she could have predicted the fate that awaited the youngest member of the team.

"No Ruth." He rests his hands on her shoulders as she turns to face him. "The bastard that poisoned him killed him. Someone here knew what he was doing. Someone was bugging his system. Calum has already been to his flat. It had been bugged, so had Dimitri. There's a team at Erin's house now. Another will go to your house and mine to check for bugs. Someone has been watching us since before Lucas." He watched as her eyes widen. "Ruth, all this buisness with Elena, Sasha and this special relationship is at the root of all this."

"He's 27." Ruth doesn't care that her home is currently being swept for bugs. It doesn't matter. "A boy."

"A man. He was a man Ruth. An intelligent and brave young man that we will mourn but we are not responsible for his death."

"I should have told him to stay."

"Ruth." He tilts her chin so she is forced to look in his eyes. In seconds she is sobbing in his arms as he tightens his hold on her.

"I'm sorry, Oh God." She mumbles as he tightens his hold on her.

"Hush." He soothes gently as his own voice breaks with tears. "Tariq wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want any of this. He'd want us to find the scum that did this and ..."

"Go ninja on his ass." Ruth smiles as she pictures Tariq telling them to do just that.

"So that is what we'll do."

"Revenge? Like Adam? Like Ros? Oh Harry I know what happened to Arkady and Blake."

"Not revenge." He kisses her hair before he realises what he is doing. "Justice. For Tariq because he was a good man and was turning into a brilliant officer. One of the brightest and best."

"It could be you next." She whispers.

"What?"

"To leave." He knows the implication regards more than just his death, his previous relationship with Elena is still hanging over them.

"Ruth." He pulls back to look in the eyes. "Believe me, I know. It could be Erin, Calum, Dimitri or even." His voice falters as he refuses to say her name.

"Me."

"No, not while I'm alive."

"Harry, I sent him home."

"As I would have done. No more blame Ruth. Not until we find the man responsible for this. Please Ruth, he was your friend. He wouldn't want this."

"Why him?" She shakes her head. "I was working on the same data."

Harry felt sick. He knew it could have been her, could still be her. He pulls her back into his arms and screws his eyes shut. He hates what happened to Tariq, hates the way it has affected his team and how Ruth is crying in his arms. He kisses her temple again as he realises he can't let her go. He can't bear her being anywhere that the same fate could befall her.

"I know."

################################

Dimitri shoves his hands in his pockets as he stares up at the familiar window as he wonders whether he has done the right thing. She left. Was decomissioned but he misses her. They have barely spoken since but he needs to see her. He just prays she is home and not off on some job in Iraq or Afghanistan. He steps back as the door opens.

"Beth."

"I know." The blonde woman sniffs as she stares up at him. "The news."

He knows instantly that there is a report on the net, on News24, Sky and any other news agency that covers London. A young asian man found dead in the street is always going to make the news. Especially as it was suspicious. He swallows hard as Beth reaches out and takes his hand.

"Come here." She tuggs gently as he steps over the threshold and pulls her into his arms.

###############

Erin stares at her daughter's photograph as she thinks about the days events. She knows Calum has gone to the pub. She hopes Ruth and Harry are ok and she has no idea what Dimitri is going to do. She had never seen him look so lost. She pushes all thoughts of what Tariq's parents are going through as she looks at the photo of Sophie. She knows the pain of loosing a child must be unimaginable. It's then she feels her mother sit next to her.

"Sweetheart?"

"Hi."

"Bad day?"

"Yes." She nods. "It's not happening again." She flicks her hair back as she shoves the photo back in her purse. "Not on my watch."

##############

A/N not happy with the ending. Please review.


End file.
